You've been told you're paranoid. That you're making things up. That you're the abusive one. That everything bad that's happened is your fault.
If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing DARVO — a documented psychological tactic used by abusers and controlling people to avoid accountability and shift blame.
Understanding DARVO won't undo what's happened, but it can help you name what you've been experiencing, explain it clearly to professionals, and present it as evidence in court.
DARVO was identified by psychologist Jennifer Freyd to describe a pattern of behaviour used by perpetrators of abuse when confronted about their behaviour:
The abuser denies that the behaviour happened, or denies that it was abusive.
When denial doesn't work, they attack the person raising concerns — their credibility, their mental health, their motives.
They position themselves as the real victim — of your false accusations, your behaviour, your mental instability.
DARVO is effective because it turns the situation around completely. Instead of the perpetrator being held accountable, the victim ends up defending themselves. The focus shifts from what was done to whether the victim's account is credible.
Over months or years, this can cause victims to genuinely doubt their own perception of events — a process known as gaslighting. Many people experiencing DARVO describe feeling like they're going mad, or that they have no way of proving what's been happening to them.
"I knew something was wrong but I couldn't explain it. Every time I tried to raise what he'd done, it ended up being about what I'd done. I left every conversation feeling like the bad person." — A common experience among people subjected to DARVO
DARVO shows up clearly in written communications — WhatsApp messages, texts, emails, and letters. Once you know what to look for, the pattern becomes hard to miss:
DARVO is particularly common in family court cases involving domestic abuse, coercive control, or parental alienation. The pattern often appears in:
Judges are increasingly aware of DARVO and coercive control. Practice Direction 12J requires courts to consider domestic abuse — including psychological and emotional abuse — in all cases involving children. Naming and evidencing DARVO is a legitimate part of presenting your case.
Naming DARVO in court is most effective when it's backed by specific evidence. A statement that says "he uses DARVO tactics" is far less useful than:
The goal is to show the pattern, not just individual incidents. A single message that says "you're paranoid" could be a one-off. Fifty messages over two years showing systematic denial, attacks on credibility, and role reversal is a pattern that a judge can assess.
Our AI analyses your WhatsApp exports and messages for DARVO patterns — finding exact quotes, showing the timeline, and presenting it in language you can share with a court, solicitor, or support worker.
Run a DARVO scan — £1.99 →Results in under a minute · No account needed · DA helpline: 0808 2000 247
Not legal advice. This guide provides general information. Every case is different. If you are in immediate danger, call 999. National DA Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (free, 24 hours). Consult a qualified solicitor for advice specific to your situation.